I wanted to be a nicer person

by | Feb 9, 2021 | Blog, Menopause, Mindfulness, Wellbeing | 0 comments

I was a moody teenager. 

In fact, low moods have been a constant struggle throughout my life. 

I never really thought much of it, I was just known as moody, negative and cup half full kind gal.  Funny how one can start identifying with your ‘label’ 

Always surprised that others could be so constant in their demeanour. (My husband is one of those) 

Thing is when things are going well, everyone wants to be around me because then I’m the opposite; fun, happy, social, playful and very confident, but it was always dependant on something outside of me that determined my happiness. 

See, for years I’ve been focussing on my body and my physical health. Not in an obsessive way, but as a nutritional therapist and growing up with very athletic and pretty health-conscious parents it’s just the way it’s been. 

I guess I took it for granted in a way. 

I was never clinically depressed, always just got up and got on with it, pushing harder. 

When my daughter was younger, I was impatient and sometimes even mean. 

This broke my heart when I saw her little face, confused, sad and lonely. 

Something needed to change, I couldn’t go through life anymore being triggered by the smallest incident. I didn’t like me as this person and didn’t want my daughter to know me as the shouty, angry mother. 

The noise in London got too much for me, too many people, too many smells. Too much stimulus and I felt like my nervous system was exposed and being scratched; constantly. 

No supplement or dietary fad made an ounce of difference. I slept well, was already exercising, eating nuts, seeds and blueberries, know all about hangry and low blood sugar, and on the outside, I had it all. 

On the inside, it was a different story! 

We decided to move out of London after 20 years and that was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. 

But what really changed for me was when I started practising mindfulness and did an 8-week Mindfulness-Based Cognitive therapy course. I realised that I may well have been depressed for years, but maybe the nuts and seeds and other coping skills stopped me from spiralling completely downhill. 

Not overnight, but over time, I became a nicer person. To myself and also to others. 

Less impatient. 

Enjoying sex more.

Less reactive.

Able to ‘see’ my mood changes and recognise when I had to push and when to pull.

It’s a journey for sure. 

Now as I’m almost qualified as an MBCT teacher myself, I am feeling so excited about teaching this essential life skill as part of my life’s work to others. 

Mindfulness provides me clarity, grounding, and acceptance as well as a portal for listening to my body and the wisdom within her. 

It helps me move towards challenges and change with curiosity and kindness.

Now I have more moments of being happy for no reason, than ever before. 

I still have dark days, especially around PMS and with fluctuating hormones, in peri-menopause, it can be really tough at times, but I feel better equipped to deal with whatever life (and hormones) throws at me. 

I’m less triggered and I feel like I’m finally waking up to my life. 

You don’t have to go through menopause on your own. It’s different for everyone but we all need resources, tools and knowledge to help us cope better with the inevitable in a patriarchal society that still favours youth and have not yet woken up to the wisdom of older women. 

Reach out, ask for help, join a community or call me and let’s chat about all the different ways I can help you feel calm, content and happy as you transition through peri-menopause and menopause!

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As a qualified nutritional therapist, mindfulness teacher and trained chef, I have a deep understanding of all the factors that contribute to our wellbeing.

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